A greeting card someone once gave me shows a photo of a young girl dressed in her Sunday best, sitting in church. Against a stained glass background, white gloved hands folded primly on her lap, eyes heavenward, her face is glazed with a sheen of holy adoration. Open the card, and the message reads: "But what if it's all bullshit?"

We could all take the vow of obedience, even as we pursue freedom and individuality. Obedience means to listen closely to others for words of direction. Only in an ego-mad world do we think that destiny is revealed in our own will and thought. You know something that I don’t know about where I want to be. If I just listen to myself, I will be trapped in a circle. If you don’t speak to me about what you see and suspect, then I won’t know the direction in which I want to go. And If I don’t listen to my friends and neighbors, I’ll be stuck in the labyrinth of what I think I want. Obedience is a way of being communal, but if I’m not in community, obedience will become slavery. The monk sees the will of God in his superior. I can see the deep will that guides me in the thoughts and reflections of my neighbor.

Making one’s own wounds a source of healing, therefore, does not call for a sharing of superficial personal pains, but for a constant willingness to see one’s own pain and suffering as rising from the depth of the human condition which all men share.

We could describe formative community as a free association of people who want to share more intimately certain aspects of their formation journey and corresponding intrasphere, which they may already share routinely. Such formative communities may range from family relationships raised beyond routines of everyday interaction, or from friendships between two or more persons, to extensive formative groups guided by rules and regulations.